Uncovering our own stories can sometimes be easier when we notice other people’s stories and beliefs. Today I want to share some of my own beliefs that did NOT serve me so that you can use them as a mirror into your own world.
We’re about to get vulnerable, y’all.
I shared about this back in season 1 of effortless (listen on iTunes) but something I’ve had to work through is a tendency to fall into ‘victim mode’.
For me, it often sounded like, “why does this keep happening to me?” In 2019 I went through a coaching certification that included neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and a core concept of that is accepting ownership and ‘living at cause’.
What I noticed right away is that a statement like, “why does this keep happening to me?” is really disempowering for me. It put me in a place of not having control over things in my life and, uhm, I like having some control! Obviously we can’t control everything and there are situations that are well outside of our control, but in general, I’d rather feel like I have a say in my life than not.
If you find yourself often in a funk of, “why does this keep happening to me?” maybe this will be helpful for you, too.
Here’s a new belief I’ve adopted: I can make good things happen for myself. And I believe that you can make good things happen for you and your business and your life. I believe we all hold that power. When I started to recognize that for myself, things really shifted. I felt more in control and capable of saying no to things that weren’t working for me, and yes to things that were.
Now, let’s be fully transparent here—of course I still have bad days. Of course there are still things that are outside of my control (big issues—racism, poverty, hunger, etc.). But what I’ve learned and adopted is that I have a say in how I think and feel about things so that I can feel empowered to actually do something. In the past I’d hear about something going on in the world and think, ‘that’s so bad and messed up and who am I to do anything?!’ and I’d like that spiral into a whole feeling of despondency and sadness. Now there’s nothing wrong with those feelings and having that experience. And, I have found that I can move myself into an empowered position quicker and think… well I can call my senator. I can donate to this cause. I can learn more about this subject. And to me, that’s what it means to get out of ‘I am helpless’ and into someone who takes action and lives at cause.
The next big belief I had to work through was that I could charge for things I was naturally gifted at. This is really difficult for a lot o creatives. We enjoy what we are doing and it is easy for us to do, oftentimes. Therefore we make it wrong to make money off of it. But the truth is: the reason you are doing it—the reason you SHOULD be charging for it—IS because you are good at it. Doesn’t it make a lot more sense for someone who is actually an amazing designer and loves designing things to make money off of it versus someone who isn’t a good designer and hates it to make money off of it?
I really believe these things are like superpowers. They are your superpowers and you can use them to help others. Not everyone sees the world the way you do, creates the way you can, or delivers the results you deliver.
There’s a weird phenomenon I’ve noticed where humans spend half the time feeling ‘so different’ and ‘like no one gets us’ and the other half the time feeling like ‘I’m not special or unique’. What a paradox, right?! So many of us struggle with these extremes and in general with accepting, loving, and understanding ourselves. But what I’ve learned is that we all are a unique combination of talents, thoughts, gifts, patterns, ideas, and truths—and making money off of those things is incredible.
Another big block I experienced was ‘struggling for success’. Somewhere along the way I decided that ‘rags to riches’ was the only real kind of success. And while that is an experience for a lot of people, it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. I realize now, looking back at my past, that I often created situations that let it get ‘just bad enough’ that I could really ‘prevail.’ Now I notice that pattern and start to improve things before any unnecessary ‘rock bottoms’.
Because of my own challenges here, something I am very conscientious of now is refusing to perpetuate that belief in our industry. So while I do have experiences like overcoming a lot of credit card debt, I never use ‘just take out a credit card to buy something for your business’ as a marketing phrase. I think that’s really gross, honestly. I really believe you can start from where you’re at, wherever that may be, and only go up from there. Your journey will be just as epic, inspiring, and beautiful as any ‘rags to riches’ story.
Something I know to be true now is that success can be ease-filled. Success can be fun. Success can be exciting. Success can be generous. Success can be whatever you want it to be—it doesn't have to involve anything intense or dramatic to be of merit.
A fourth belief that I have worked through quite a bit is that I’m not good with money. I never really learned much about money, and despite being an incredible math student, I did have a negative experience with a teacher in high school implying that I ‘didn’t need to worry my pretty little head’ about something. Cue the eye roll. Anyway, I’ve done a lot of work around accepting that money doesn’t have to be challenging, that being good with money is a acquirable skill, etc.
When I started doing the work the results compounded quickly. I went from living “paycheck to paycheck” and never knowing anything about my money to accruing savings into my persona l and business account. Being ‘good at money’ is something we can all do and learn to do, it’s not a special gift reserved for the few.
The last major block that I had to work through was this idea of ‘well, who am I to….’
Who am I to offer coaching? To teach others? To talk about mindset? These all came up very loudly when I started offering coaching and not just graphic design. I had built my design confidence and felt so locked in there, and as soon as I introduced something new—all new imposter syndrome symptoms popping up. I’ve made a lot of money over the last 6 years and helped a lot of people and those thoughts still come in from time to time, and the truth is—they don’t go away. You just learn to hold them easier.
Whenever my mind goes there, I challenge it with “well, why not me?” and I find proof that people of any age, of any experience, of any knowledge level, of any-anything can be successful doing things like I want to do. And I want to encourage you to adopt that mantra as well. Instead of ‘who am I to…’ change that to ‘why not me?’
Why CAN’T I be successful? Why can’t I be a millionaire? Why can’t I be booked out?
When you do this, two things will happen: first, you will realize that your brain is being a jerk. And second your brain will actually start to answer the question (that’s what brains do, after all). It’ll tell you exactly what you believe is holding you back. So for example, “why can’t I be booked out?!” your brain might actually realize that you aren’t telling enough people about your offer or actually selling it. There’s your action item!
There’s some of my dirty laundry. I hope hearing these have opened up an opportunity for you to explore your own thoughts and beliefs.
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Cheers to that!
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