I see a lot of people preaching the power of positive thought on the internet. While that is amazing and I love me some high-vibe energy, I do worry that there’s a bit of a “glossing over” of the idea of positive thought and how to utilize it in your mindset practice. I worry that the “glossing over” might lead to frustration, resentment, or even abandonment of mindset practices — so I want to set the record straight.

Your affirmations, positive thoughts, mantras, whatever won’t work if you don’t believe them.

Because here’s the deal: Belief is 99% of the battle. If you don’t believe that things can and will shift, then you won’t do the work and make it happen.

So while good vibes and uplifting ideas are valuable, getting yourself to a place where you actually believe all of that matters… more. It’s kind of essential, honestly. If all it took was saying “I’m a millionaire” 1111 times, we’d all be a millionaire by now.

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But the truth is, you have to believe you are a millionaire. And that’s intrinsically a bit harder, right? Because, well, you’re not a millionaire. If you believed you were a millionaire, truly, really believed it – you would be one. It would have to come into your reality. It would have to manifest in this physical world we know and understand. 

How do you start to believe that you are a millionaire (or whatever it is that you want)?

Phew. Where do I start? That’s why there is a thing called “The Work” right? Because there are layers of beliefs, stories, and decisions that tell us we aren’t a millionaire, we aren’t worthy of being a millionaire, that it’s unsafe to become a millionaire, etc., etc.

And even if you’re logically, consciously, thinking right now - “no, I REALLY want to believe I am a millionaire. I believe it. I’m a millionaire. See?”

You don’t believe it. You don’t believe it with the same amount of knowing and expectation that you have about the sun coming up tomorrow. The belief, the expectation, the “well of course” attitude is the goal. And while it’s easy to fake that externally, if you look inward you will start to see that really… that can feel kind of hard, right?

I’ll use a different example, one with less pressure and emotion than money. In my own life I have a very strong conviction — a belief — that I always see triple numbers. I know it. I expect it. Just this morning I went on a walk and I saw nearly all the sets: 111, 222, 333, 444, 555, 666, 777, and 999. I didn’t see 888 today, but it’s about 2:00pm in the afternoon and I feel quite certain that I’ll see it before the day is over. 

When I go outside on a walk, or watch TV, or even browse random clickbait on the internet - that expectation is, just, there. It’s been building over the last 3 years or so and I believe it as much as I believe the sun is coming up.

My name is Kaitlyn and I see triple numbers everywhere. Now here’s why that happens so easily and so readily — it’s not a stretch. I’m not attached. If I don’t see 888 today I’m not going to throw in the towel on this whole manifestation or mindset thing. It doesn’t impact the statement, “I’m Kaitlyn and I see triple numbers everywhere” AT ALL for me. Same as if it’s cloudy and gloomy tomorrow morning and I don’t physically see the sun rise — I still know the sun will rise every day.

I say all of this to say: the triple numbers thing works for me because I believe it. At this point in my current reality, clearly the millionaire thing isn’t quite a belief yet or else I’d be a millionaire. I’m working on it — and the work looks like figuring out why that’s so hard for me to believe and letting go of the shit that keeps me from believing it. That’s it. 

So the question here for you is what affirmations are you currently using in your day-to-day and do you actually believe them? The follow up to that question is, how could you either:

1. Work to believe them more, or

2. Find a smaller thing that you CAN believe that will get you closer to that?

I teach more about this inside the EASE Mastermind. Click here to learn more.

What big takeaway or ah-ha did you just experience reading through this? I'd love to know! Leave a comment below or let's connect on Instagram.

Check out the Instagram Live I did on this topic below!

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My own personal mindset journey started over 3 years ago, and I know it’s still in its infancy. I’ve moved leaps, strides, bounds in how I see and understand both the world and my mind AND I know there’s so much more work to do. The number one mistake I see when people decide they want to do this work is this —

They try to BE a new person, overnight. They try to overhaul everything in one go. 

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Creating a good mindset, a positive mindset that works FOR you instead of AGAINST you - that is a journey. A process. Sure, with NLP and hypnosis and other tools like that we can really uncover and work through limiting beliefs quickly - but the overall idea that you intentionally control your thoughts to create your reality? That’s a habit, that’s a pattern, and that takes time to form.

Like most other habits people want to curate, we tend to go “balls to the wall” and try to do everything all at once, overnight. You know what I’m talking about: I’m going to go to the gym, be vegan, grow my own vegetables, juice fast, AND do 1000 crunches a day starting tomorrow morning right after I finish this box of Oreos.

Feel familiar? Yeah, we’ve all been there. Never works, right?

The problem with that is we’re working from things like changing our behaviors or our environment when in reality what we are wanting to shift is at that identity level. Even if we lay our gym clothes out, set 18 alarms, and pay for a fancy gym membership - if we still identify as a person who loves Oreos and hates the gym… nothing will change. At least not long term.

A better method would be to change at that identity level. To let go of that old identity of “I’m a person who LOVES OREOS and eats a box at a time” or whatever you have and shift to “I’m someone who loves health and fitness” or whatever you want it to be.

So this same idea applies to people getting started in mindset work. Suddenly they’ve got the crystals and the tarot cards and 32 books downloaded to their Kindle, a subscription to Gaia and Headspace, a new journal, and affirmation post-its stuck all over their mirror and fridge and computer. I’m not calling you out - I have almost all of those things, too! But the issue comes that they do all of this and then…

Expect everything to just work.

They don’t do the work. They don’t change at the identity level. They don’t BECOME a more mindful, aware person. They don’t BECOME someone who controls their thoughts and creates their reality. They become someone who’s holding a pretty rock with their eyes closed listening to “tha-rt Bree-ish guy” on Headspace telling them to take a breath.

Again, not talking shit. I love crystals and Andy Puddicome (founder of Headspace) and all of these things. I’m just pointing out that they aren’t effective if you’re just putting these items on your to-do list and racing through them with no idea why or what or how and not working to shift your identity at the same time. Those things are tools that will help you do the work, but you’ve got to actually do the work, too.

We’ve GOT to change at that identity level. We’ve got to IDENTIFY as someone who IS the things we want to be — whatever that is. And that’s generally not an overnight one-and-done type exercise. That’s a commitment to asking yourself “what does someone with this identity think/do/act right now?” AND THEN THINKING/DOING/ACTING that. Following through. Forming the habits, forming the patterns. Abandoning the old identity - because you’re going to have to let that go to form your new one. 

And in that action is when we start to find our limiting thoughts and beliefs, our resistance, and we have to decide and choose to overcome those things too. For example, you might want to identify as a million dollar business owner and know that a million dollar business owner delegates a lot of work out, but feel resistance when it comes to some of those ideas in your business because “you can do it better” or whatever. That’s a limiting belief! That will need to be processed so that you can actually step into and embody that million dollar business owner mentality AND THEN create a million dollar business. That’s not overnight. That’s work. 

So, while most of this article might feel sassy and snarky (it’s just my writing style, idk) I’m actually, truly, saying all of this to tell you to lighten up. Be easier on yourself. You don’t have to change everything overnight - that’s not the goal here. You can start doing this work AND have a bad day, AND have a negative thought, and still be successful at doing this work. The mere fact that you are aware that there is work to do and WANT to dive in is something to honor and celebrate - MOST people go through their entire lives completely unaware of these concepts.

If you want the crystals and cards and all that - have that. I love that stuff. I use it daily. BUT, I want to encourage you to know that those things aren’t the work, they’re tools that may help with the work, but the real work comes down to you shifting your identity. That takes time, practice, dedication, and forgiveness for when you “mess up” (because you will, we all do - we ARE human). It’ll get easier - it’s just like tying your shoes or driving a car - something that eventually becomes automatic, if you keep practicing.  I know you can do it, and I’m excited to see what’s next for you.

Ready to dive into your own mindset practice with all the guidance you need to understand, apply, and implement? Learn more about coaching today

Check out the Instagram Live I did on this topic below!

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Let me start by saying this:

You get to define what success looks like for you.

Period.

No guru, no expert, no thought leader, no best friends, no significant others, no moms, no dads, no one can tell you that you are only successful at XYZ arbitrary benchmark that truly doesn’t matter.

You’ve probably subconsciously have adopted some beliefs of what you think success means, whether it be 6 figures, or 4 hour work weeks, or living in Bali, or whatever.

I want to challenge you to take some time to assess where those beliefs maybe came from and if those are what success truly means to you or if it’s just what you think it’s supposed to mean to you.

To help you out a bit, here is what success means to me. For me, success to me looks different every day. What that truly means is that success is the freedom to choose.

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I am overall a successful person because I’ve created a life where I have that choice. There’s no money measurement, no time measurement, no wedding ring, no house bought, no kids, no clients tied to my version of success.

In my definition of success, it means having the choice. That might seem really woo to some of you and deep and weird, but just being honest.

Yours? Yours could look like you make 6 figures. Yours could look like you sleep in until 9 am every day. Yours could look like a fancy car. Or first-class flights. Or time to volunteer at your kid’s school. It’s up to you!

If you’ve ever read my content, you’ve read my disclaimer that everything is based on my experiences.  I have some very distinct thoughts and ideas about how to run your business online. It’s a combination of my experiences, what I’ve read, what I’ve studied, what my mentors and coaches have instilled in me, and most importantly: what I value.

Notice how those are all things that are personal to me and my experience? Yeah. I’m more than happy to give ideas, to share things, to even teach things, to give feedback, etc., but I always always always put the disclaimer out there that these are my thoughts and experiences.

I always want my audience to read what I have to say - take what they need from it - and put their own spin on it.

Now I know a lot of that is easier said than done, but I believe in creative problem solving and I believe that everyone has the ability to figure out their own shit in the way that best serves them.

Maybe my ideas or insights will help you in that process, but it’s not my role or my job to just straight up say ‘do step 1. Do step 2. Do step 3.’ but rather, here are the steps that I took, how do those feel or work for you? Is there anything from that that you can take and adjust for yourself?

You define your success.

You define what it means to be successful.

It is ever-evolving. And it is not up to any marketing guru or thought leader or bullshit con artist.

My point here is that it’s completely 100% up to you whether or not you want to see your days, your weeks, your months, your business as successful. And that you get to set whatever milestones you want and feel proud of whatever thing you’ve done or are doing and nobody can tell you otherwise, right?

And to build on that more, I want to point out that even if successful to you means having a huge corporation and 500 employees and you’re not even remotely close to that goal yet, that doesn’t mean you AREN’T successful. You don’t have to hold back or wait to feel good.

You don’t have to deprive yourself of the good feels because you are in progress. Set milestones. Set smaller goals. Let success happen more along the way and like we talked about last week, take time to celebrate the wins so that you can keep having more and more wins during your journey!

How are you defining success for your life and business? Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on Instagram!

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I’ve shared bits and pieces of this idea around before, but it deserves its whole own blog post because this is an important lesson. We’re talking about answering your own questions!

Okay so how this breaks down for-realsies, is acknowledging how powerful and wildly capable you actually are. The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we aren’t good enough, smart enough, capable enough, worthy enough.

This shows up in a hundred different ways in your day to day life but one of the biggest ways I’ve noticed in our online business space is seeking so much external validation and answers, rather than knowing our own truths.

In my coaching practice, we spend a lot of time on this, I label it under the word confidence. We’re conditioned to think we have to find the answer to everything. I think in large part that is due to our education system, at least here in the US, for teaching us how to research instead of necessarily how to think and problem solve. 

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Actually, interestingly enough Will and I were watching Chef’s Table the other night and a chef on there was talking about this idea in his own world and industry. He was saying how good chefs can cook well, but great chefs invent new ways of cooking.

It was super powerful, and so relevant to my thoughts as of late so it felt like a message I was meant to receive, you know?

You can be a good business owner. You can follow the rules, check the boxes, and probably make some decent money. But I believe there’s a need in all of us, deep down, to be great. Maybe a great business owner, maybe a great friend, maybe a great mother, I can’t answer that for you… but to be great.  

So anyway, we’re taught to research, right? To just Google it. To, hold on, let me look it up real quick. And while that does serve us for some smaller things that maybe you just don’t know - like the definition of ubiquitous or the distance from Charleston to Palm Springs, sure, fine, look that ish up all day.

I see a problem starting when we start to look up ways of existing, things we’re supposed to believe, the right way to do stuff in business… when a client comes to me and asks, well how should I do it? Am I ready? Is this a good idea? Those kinds of questions…

They aren’t for me.

They aren’t for Google. 

They are just for you.

When I first came around to this idea and realization I used a pendulum a lot. If you’re not familiar it’s a tool for communicating with your subconscious. It won’t move on its own, but it will move based on your true intentions. So it’s limited in what it can answer, right?

Generally gotta stick with like Yes/No type questions but what it’s so powerful for is learning to trust that instinct or gut feeling as actually just your intuition. Inner being. Source.

So say you ask, “is launching this right now a good idea?” Well first of all - the question alone speaks volumes.

Clearly some part of you feels it’s not a good idea or you wouldn’t be questioning it at all.

Acknowledge that, first and foremost. Then the pendulum will move to indicate Yes or No — it’s not magic, it’s your subconscious affecting the tiniest muscle movements in your body. You could do this even without a pendulum and just use your body as long as you determine what is a Yes and what is a No.  

Let’s say it moves Yes. Okay — then at a subconscious level you know it is a good idea BUT that doesn’t mean you still don’t have some resistance, or else you wouldn’t have even asked the question, right? So I’d take that as an indicator to still dive in and explore why you are worried about it, why you think it may not be a good time, etc.

Let’s say it moves No. Okay — then at a subconscious level, you don’t think it’s right to launch now. That doesn’t mean don’t launch EVER, it probably means that you know you will self-sabotage, so still, work on why you are scared of launching first. Either way, there’s work to be done or you wouldn’t have asked the question at all, right?

Okay, that was a bit of a tangent about pendulums, but I think it’s a great practice if you are wanting to learn to hear your intuition or source better and recognize it for what it is, versus brushing it off all the time (like we tend to do).

But my point here is that you have the answers inside of you.

You know what to do or not to do. I believe so fully that we all know exactly the next step to take, it’s just a matter of getting out of our own ways and that’s where the inner work comes into play. 

A big issue that I see come up time and time again when it comes to hearing that voice and honoring it is that we struggle to trust ourselves. 

I don’t know of a study on this, but I’d assume that the people we see out there who are very successful in whatever ways have a high amount of trust in their abilities. They trust that they’ll do what they say they’ll do. They trust they are capable enough of doing it well. 

The opposite of that may be where you are struggling right now.

You want 10 clients, or you want a half a million dollars, or you want to launch that program… but at a deep level, you don’t trust you can do it. And therefore you don’t take the actions to make it happen, or you self sabotage. 

So to get back to the point of this post, part of answering questions on your own is hearing the answer and trusting that it is the right answer for you, in that moment. To get there, you’ve gotta build up that trust. An exercise I’ve helped people through is taking time to first find what the real distrust is: 

• Is it your ability to follow through?

• Your ability to make the right decision?

• Your ability to commit wholly?

And when you know what the real issue is — find proof otherwise. So if you’ve come to the conclusion that you actually don’t believe in yourself to follow through, find 10 examples in your life when you did.

It doesn’t have to be ground-breaking, it can be that you followed through on your decision to eat Chipotle for dinner. But start to find evidence that directly opposes that limiting belief. 

When I work with clients 1:1  we also use techniques to release those kinds of limiting beliefs entirely, which is a powerful practice. This actually gets a whole session in my 1:1 program and we work through multiple limiting beliefs that are holding the client back and the results are so incredible.

A belief that I think we all struggle with from time to time and the reason we look outside of ourselves for answers so often is that we assume someone else can do it better than we can. Someone else knows more than we do.

And what that truly does is put the blame or pressure on THEM to be correct, it’s us deflecting and not taking ownership over our lives, right? When we do that we are no longer living at cause and reverting back to old patterns of living at effect.

I want to bring up a pretty WOO topic to talk through my belief about diverting to other people for answers.

Here’s what I believe at this point in my life. We are all souls having a human experience, and the same energy that flows through you flows through me and it also heck, it flows through Beyonce too, y’all.

And all of that energy comes from a source, or the divine, or even God to some people, and it’s the same. It’s the same electric current floating through all of us and by that acceptance alone, no one can answer my questions better than me, because when my answers are everyone else’s answers too.

I know that’s diving a bit deep right now, and it’s okay if that idea doesn’t resonate with you fully. But I do think about this: why would anybody else know what’s best for you?

Nobody else knows you as well as you know yourself, so you are clearly the expert when it comes to you.

I love sharing these ideas and concepts with you because I know first hand just how powerful and life-changing these things are.

What do you think about this idea of answering your own questions?! Let me know over on Instagram!

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