Self Integrity. Have you heard that word in the online business space a lot lately? I have. I took me a while to come around to what people were talking about. It seemed hard to understand and to explain and to actually work on if you are in a place of needing to fix or grow or develop your self integrity.  I mean it’s a hell of a lot more easy to say:

• Well I’m busy

• My clients need too much

• My computer is too slow

• And so on…
  

It happens one of two ways. Either we put the blame for our circumstances out on everyone else’s or everything else’s shoulders. Or we shift the blame at all to ourselves—in the form of self-hatred and rejection, saying things like I’m too lazy, I’m not smart enough, I’m incapable…

We’re really just avoiding the big underlying issue

The big underlying issue. The issue to end all issues, perhaps, is that we don’t have any self-integrity. We don't BELIEVE in ourselves.

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I don’t mean that in the cheesy instagram quote type of way, I mean like truthfully we don’t TRUST ourselves. That lack of trust shows up time and time again, usually pretty subconsciously, and it prevents us from making things actually happen in our lives and business. Let’s get specific here:

If you had a friend that said “let’s work out together! Tomorrow at 8am right?” and then tomorrow at 7:54am she said “hey I can’t today, sorry!” you’d probably be like, “dang that’s annoying.” And then if it happened again, you’d be like WOW this girl is annoying. And then if it happened AGAIN you’d be like, “omg I hate her wtf why am I getting up so early just to get bailed on.” And then if she was like “hey let’s grab drinks tomorrow at 4pm” you’d probably think “this girl can’t show up no matter what. She’s gonna bail on me again. I’m not doing it.” And you wouldn’t… Or maybe you think you would, but then she’d bail again and the next time you wouldn’t. 

In this scenario YOU ARE THAT GIRL you are the one who bails on the gym repeatedly. And your brain is you. Your brain is like WTF I thought we were making this thing happen or launching that thing or whatever promise you made yourself in recent history and haven’t delivered on. Tthat sounds harsh, but it’s okay… I mean it sucks, but it’s okay. You’re not a bad person, destined for failure.

You’ve just been conditioning yourself OVER and OVER and OVER again to not trust yourself. Now when you say you are going to do something your brain thinks, “RIGHT OOOKAY. We’ve heard that before.” and doesn’t try to hold you to it. It doesn’t fight back when you have an excuse the next day. It lets all your reasons of “I’m too busy” or “my computer is too slow” or even “I’m too lazy” win.

When I realized what was happening for myself, I suddenly realized that in some ways my brain that I was a liar. Despite being one of the most honest people I know, I was lying to myself. It hit hard

It really upset me because I struggled to figure out HOW to fix this. I wanted to know: how do I retrain my brain to TRUST me when I say I’m going to do something? How do I get my brain to work with me instead of against me? I talked about this with my coach and had the realization.

Before *~the realization~* I spent a ton of time beating myself up because I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out why. I couldn’t crack the code on why, for example, I would schedule something on my calendar and then let it fall through the cracks. It didn’t feel like pure laziness, because I was still getting some things done but not the work I needed or wanted to get done.

After *~the realization~* I understood that my brain put a higher value on client’s work than my own business. I was never late on client work, I never pushed off client work, I would go above and beyond for them. But my own business? Well, my brain had come to the conclusion that it wasn’t as important. I know a lot of my service-based and done-for-you clients feel the same. If it’s not your business versus your client’s businesses, then it’s finding the time to work out or be with your friends/family, or something else. Somewhere in your life there’s that feeling of “why does everyone else have this together but me?”

I’ve found an answer to try on: you’ve just conditioned your brain. You are like Pavlov’s drooling dog. For me, even when I was writing out my own work on a to do list in the back of my mind I could hear myself thinking, “we won’t get to that probably” and already accepting defeat.

Let’s talk about what to do with this information, if it’s resonating.

I’ll start by saying, if we were coaching around this, we’d look at it from a few angles. We’d look at if you’re needing better boundaries around client projects, or if it’s time to raise your rates, or if there’s a fear running the show. But all of those things would be layered on top of: Building your self integrity. Building your self-trust.

Building your belief back up in yourself, in your word. It’ll be damn near impossible to ever create anything if your brain and subconscious don’t actually believe anything you say. The work starts here.

If you look up “how to have integrity” or “how to build integrity” there’s a plethora of resources. They all say things like, ‘follow your word’, ‘do as you say’, ‘don’t lie to others’, etc. Those are all great for building your OUTWARD integrity—but that’s not what we need. We need to do all those practices internally, right? The conversation between your conscious and subconscious need the work.

In my experience, the work isn’t necessarily easy, but it is simple. And it can be done.

Here’s where I started with the help of my coach and what I’ve helped my clients do for themselves:

First, I stopped making big lofty plans of ALL THE THINGS I was going to do. You know, the “oh I’m going to wake up at 6am and workout. Then read a chapter of a book and meditate and journal and blah blah blah.” Because inevitably I wouldn’t do any of it, and I’d dig my hole of self-distrust even further. This is the scariest step for people. They think their whole life is going to go to shambles without these items on their to-do list, and then I remind them… well, you’re not doing them anyway?

Then I picked one simple thing that I knew I would do every day, no matter what—an existing habit. Something simple, like brushing my teeth. Right before I did that thing I’d remind myself, “hey, I told myself I was going to do this and here I am doing it.” I made brushing my teeth a celebration, a ritual, an experience. I’d affirm to myself over and over again, “I am someone who does what I say I will do. I said I was going to brush my teeth and look at me go.” It sounds silly, but I really, really gas myself up over brushing my teeth and tying the neural pathway of “I said I would do it” and “I am doing it” and “I did it” together.

People usually roll their eyes at that example. I want to point out that thinking about how dope you are for brushing your teeth all day is way better than what you are currently thinking about yourself all day (some form of “I’m a flake. I fucking suck” right?). Replace those unhelpful thoughts with reminders that you can trust yourself.

This effort is ongoing. The visual I hold is that we have dug a deep hole of self-mistrust. This is helping us just fill in the dirt and get us back to ground level. When we’re ready to start actually building it up, making that mountain of self-integrity and self-trust we will keep up with those existing actions and layer or stack in a new item. go back to that old list of things you wished you did (the 6am workouts, the book chapter, etc.) and pick the simplest, easiest one. Don’t overload yourself. Stack one thing in at a time. As you do it, keep that self-talk going.

The last thing I do here isa make a weekly list titled, “It’d Be Nice…” and I put all the things that I used to assign to myself on that list. It’d be nice if I read a chapter of a book every day. It’d be nice if I went for a walk during my lunch break. And I let myself do those tasks as I feel inspired, but without all the pressure and guilt.

An important note here is to recognize where you are and be really gentle and loving with yourself. It’s okay to be in progress here. It’s okay to be actively building your self-integrity and trust up. This, like anything, is a series of small decisions that add up. Don’t feel the need to rush it or force it, give yourself grace, and keep going.

If and when you do slip up and break a promise to yourself, I invite you to NOT make up an excuse. Don’t go back to blaming others or yourself. Don’t go back to beating yourself up. Simply take ownership over it, if you feel the need to reflect on the series of choices that led to that moment, do so, and release the guilt. Forgive yourself. Shame and guilt are vicious and will pull you back down into that distrust-hole, so let it go.

On the other side of this work, I can tell you that I feel a lot lighter in my mind and my day-to-day. There’s a lot less frustration or self-resentment. And I move towards the things I want with more ease. That’s available for you too!

Are you ready to work on your self-trust? Send me a DM on Instagram!

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Setting goals is about to get a lot easier. This is a ‘simple in theory’ but rarely actually done process that I am excited to share with you today.

When I was studying for my NLP (neuro linguistic programming) certification, this idea came to me. I recorded a podcast a few years back about it.

The realization was that I was moving through life and business with the assumption of, ‘of course I know what I want and am working towards.’

But, do I? Do you? Have you sat down and actually considered what you want your day to look like exactly one year from today? It’s February 28, 2022. What does February 28, 2023 look like?

Your instinctive response may be like mine: of COURSE I know what I want!!! But then ask yourself this: okay—what do you want?

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If you’re like a lot of my clients, the answer is way less concrete than you realized. You probably pause for a while and start to say pretty ‘basic’ things: Money. Success. A successful business. Debt free. To weigh whatever weight. For a soulmate. Whatever? You’re kinda just.. making shit up honestly. It’s not that you don’t want those things, but it’s nothing you deeply desire, that you feel deeply connected to.

This was me, too. I hadn’t actually taken the time to visualize one year ahead and I’m guessing you haven’t either.

Here’s why it matters: If you don’t ACTUALLY know what you want, if you don’t have a vivid picture of our goals... how will our brains (or our subconsciousness) know how to make it happen? How will you find the right actions, if you don’t know what the actions are supposed to lead to?

I was having THIS epiphany and when I landed on that thought, the other voice in my head was like, ‘yeah but sometimes you just gotta take action without clarity’—which is a pillar of my message and my business. Action definitely creates clarity. Contrast, bumping into things, seeing how you feel when things happen… 100% that’s how you get clarity.

BUT, that isn’t an excuse to work with no intentionality. Here’s an example, maybe I don’t know exactly what my offers look like one year from now, but I do know that I don’t work Fridays. I don’t need to bump into working Fridays to realize I don’t want to work Fridays, I’ve already realized that. So work from where you are now, with what you have now, and start to fill in the picture.

My picture includes waking up naturally, refreshed, well-rested inside a cozy and clean home. It includes lots of candles, background music, and decor that makes me happy. It has me doing work from wherever, not tied necessarily to a computer for hours a day. It has me serving people in a big way that lights me up. I could go on and on, but this is about you and your year from now!

So whatever comes up for you, I challenge you to go deeper. Be more specific. What sounds do you hear? What smells do you smell? Who’s with you? What’s the temperature? What flavor La Croix are you drinking? To truly visualize it, think of all your senses, paint a real scene of your day to day life.

If you’re into self development no doubt you’ve been told to do this exercise before. If you’re anything like me you started off super detailed but by like 3pm in your dream day you’re like, ‘yeah and then I nap. And then I get a million dollars. And then someone gives me free Chipotle for life.’

Which I mean, sure, hell, if you want to manifest free Chipotle for life first of all ME TOO and second of all, no judgement you do you friend.

But that approach to visualizing isn’t going to garner the results you seek. Consider this a meditation practice. Set aside real devoted time and think through all aspects of your day. Think through who you speak to, think through what you wear, think through how you feel at 1pm, at 6pm, think through what your office looks like, what your hair looks like… get detailed!

When you do that you begin to plant seeds in your subconscious that this is your new reality. And then maybe a day later, or a week later, or months later… if you hold onto that vision you’ll start to get nudges that will lead you on a path that makes February 28, 2023 a reality. Now it’s not magic—it’s your brain looking for opportunities and ways to bring that reality to life. You’ve explicitly told your subconscious to find ways to make it a reality that your office looks like this or that you get to wear that, and it’ll do just that. 

 The opposite there would be leaving it vaguely defined, the boat we’re all sort of sitting in now. When we tell our subconscious, “oh I want to be rich. Oh I want to be successful.” But we don’t give clear details to what that means and our subconscious is like WHAT IS RICH? WHAT IS SUCCESS?

Do you ever notice in movies when someone goes up to a bar they’re like “yeah, I’ll have two beers” and the bartender just turns around and gets them two random ass beers. And us in the audience (okay, maybe not you, if you have’t noticed it before… but you will think now…) are like, WHAT BEERS?! Did they want a pilser? An IPA? Were they looking for something fun and casual or so stout-y that it takes an hour to actually drink? WE NEED SPECIFICS. A beer order can say a lot about character development, OKAY?!

Well that’s your subconscious every time you’re like I WANT SUCCESS AND MONEY. It’ll be like well “okay, here’s like five bucks. Is that what you wanted?” And then you get frustrated and think nothing is working and give up.

When I originally recorded this podcast years ago, the main way my business was making money was through design services (my first company). So whenever I do my money mindset work, I used to just wake up to a flood of new design inquiries (because that was money’s easiest path to me). But what I would really desire was, like, a random check in the mail. But I never got that specific, so money just kept coming through the path of least resistance.

The point here is to get really specific, as specific as you can, on what you want exactly one year from now. That way you can actually start taking the STEPS to getting there. The time is going to pass regardless, it’ll be February 28, 2023 regardless. But if you get clear on what you want, visualize it in detail, and take action to make those visualizations a reality—then you’ll be surprised at where you are one year from now.

Your action steps:

Set aside 15 minutes. Get quiet. Turn off distractions. Let yourself meditate and visualize on one year from today. If you want to think it, think it. If you want to say it, maybe voice memo it. If you want to write it, write it. But go through your senses and focus on the smallest of details along with the big picture strokes and let yourself relax and feel really excited about what’s going to shape out for you over the next year. I’m excited for you!

When you do it, DM me on Instagram what you visualize! I can’t wait to hear about tit.

What did you visualize?! Send me a DM on Instagram!

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What does success for you and for your business look like? Do you know?

You get to define what success looks like for you.

No guru, no expert, no thought leader, no best friends, no significant others, no moms, no dads, no one can tell you that you are only successful at XYZ arbitrary benchmark that truly doesn’t matter.

Most of us have subconsciously adopted some beliefs of what we think success means: whether it be 6 figures, or 4 hour work weeks, or living in Bali, or something else. And my ask is that you take some time to assess where those beliefs maybe came from and if those are truly what success means to you or if it’s just what you think it’s supposed to mean to you.

This work can ask you to dig in a bit — to move through blocks, stories, or ideas of what’s ‘good enough’. We live in a world where we are inundated that money and fancy clothes and traveling the world and nice cars and nice jewelry all means success. And if that does for you - COOL. But if it turns out that success means something different to you, then also cool. But you have to do the work first and figure out where you are pulling your beliefs from and if they are beliefs you want to continue to have, right?

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For me success to me looks different every day. And what that truly means is that success is the freedom to choose. It’s a little meta, I know. A day that I can choose that ‘success means binging Netflix’ means not only can I be successful THAT DAY by actually binging Netflix, but that I am overall a successful person because I’ve created a life where I have that choice.

There’s no money measurement, no time measurement, no wedding ring, no house bought, no kids, no clients tied to my version of success. In my definition of success it means having the choice.  Which I get, that might seem really woo and deep, but just being honest.

What’s yours? Yours could look like you make 6 figures. Yours could look like you sleep in until 9am everyday. Yours could look like a fancy car. Or first class flights. Or time to volunteer at your kids school. It’s up to you.

So the topic that may seem disparate, but ultimately I see as relating is this idea of people shame marketing you. So just as a headsup I am very protective over people I care about, and if you’re in this group, in my circle, here, reading or listening… well congrats I’m not gonna mama bear all over you.

(Please note, this post was originally created before I became a coach) If you’ve ever listened to me or heard me teach you’ve heard me always make the disclaimer that everything is based from my experiences. I have some very distinct thoughts and ideas about how to run your business online. It’s a combination of my experiences, what I’ve read, what I’ve studied, what my mentors and coaches have instilled in me, and most importantly: what I value.

Notice how those are all things that are personal to me and my experience? Yeah. And I’m more than happy to give ideas, to share things, to even teach things, to give feedback, etc. But I always always always put the disclaimer out there that these are my thoughts and experiences and I always want my audience to hear what I have to say—take what they need from it—and put their own spin on it.

Now I know a lot of that is easier said than done, but I believe in creative problem solving and I believe that everyone has the ability to figure out their own shit in the way that best serves them. So maybe my ideas or insights will help you in that process, but it’s not my role or my job to just straight up say ‘do step 1. Do step 2. Do step 3.’ but rather, here’s my steps that I took, how do those feel or work for you? Is there anything from that that you can take and adjust for yourself?

You will never, unless it is in some kind of joking manner, hear me say you HAVE TO DO THIS THING to be successful. First of all—no the fuck you don’t. And second of all—WHAT IS SUCCESSFUL?

You might have to do this thing to be MY version of successful—but IDK what yours is. So how could I possibly give you some generic bullshit formula to get to your version of successful?! ALL I can do is inspire you and challenge you and be an ally for you to find your own version of successful.  

What I find with blanket statements like that are that they are usually paired with really negative marketing tactics that I’m gonna call shame marketing. I don’t know if shame marketing is actually a thing, I intentionally didn’t look it up, bu either way—I HATE IT. So this is how the conversation goes:

BROKE OFF YOUR ASS BC YOU CANT GET CLIENTS? IT’S BC YOU’RE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG. CLIENTS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU EGOTISTICAL IDIOT! JOIN MY PROGRAM AND I’LL TEACH YOU HOW TO REALLY GET CLIENTS SO YOU CAN BE RICH LIKE ME!

Are you serious? Heck. No.

So many issues. First of all, this is like unhealthy abusive relationships 101. They break you down and make you feel bad and then there they are to comfort you and make you reliant on them. 

It’s disgusting. It’s shameful. It’s hurtful. It’s creating MORE bad than any kind of good. It’s creating limiting beliefs and disempowered business owners. That is the opposite of what we want. I want more badass business owners out there with their unique experiences and perspectives crushing it and making impact and making money so they can make real impact and loving their lives and loving what they are doing. And this shame marketing crap isn’t going to help anyone actually get there.

I’d rather be a light. I’d rather inspire people. I’d rather empower people. And I want to give you permission right here, right now, to unfollow or unsubscribe from any account—no matter who they are, or how rich they are, or who they hang out with, or what stages they speak on… if they make you feel like you are not doing good enough, then cut them out. You are so good. You are so amazing. You are so incredible and if someone wants to make you feel otherwise, then they dont deserve to be anywhere even in your freaking stratosphere, okay?

You define your success.

You define what it means to be successful.

It is ever evolving. And it is not up to any marketing guru or thought leader or bullshit con artist.

Seriously. I could get up and walk into the kitchen right now and get water and we’d think okay cool no big deal. BUT if I had never walked before, or just gotten out of leg surgery, or whatever—you know how amazing and incredible that would be? I would feel so accomplished, so proud, so successful. It’s just about perspective. Would you tell someone who just got out of leg surgery that they WEREN’T successful because they got up and walked into the kitchen? NO! You’d be like damn look at you, you’re already walking what the heck you go glen coco.

So my point here is that it’s completely 100% up to you whether or not you want to see your days, your weeks, your months, your business as successful. And that you get to set whatever milestones you want and feel proud of whatever thing you’ve done or are doing and nobody can tell you otherwise, right?

And to build on that more, I want to point out that even if successful to you means having a huge corporation and 500 employees and you’re not even remotely close to that goal yet, that doesn’t mean you AREN’T successful. You don’t have to hold back or wait to feel good. You don’t have to deprive yourself of the good feels because you are in progress. Set milestones. Set smaller goals. Let success happen more along the way, take time to celebrate the wins, and you’ll keep having more and more wins during your journey.

What's your version of success? Send me a DM on Instagram!

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Doesn’t it seem like literally everyone attests “mindset work” to being the thing that transformed their lives and businesses? And that’s great and wonderful, I guess, but not very clear as to… uhm… wtf they’re talking about.

Let’s break down what the heck mindset work even is: a big umbrella term! It’s a hard word to define because it’s a word that encompasses countless tools, modalities, and practices that all - in so many ways - try to accomplish one major thing.

And that major thing, in my opinion, is seeing ourselves as pure potential and giving ourselves more choice. Which, yes, I admit, is still kind of vague.

But whether we’re talking about TIME techniques, EFT, embodiment practices, pleasure practices, journaling, meditating, WHATEVER… if we zoom out far enough the real thing we’re doing is creating choice for ourselves.

Let’s think about that specifically — take my 1:1 practice, for example. Clients come to me with varying needs, but it’s usually something along the lines of: I want more money and more ease in my business and I don’t want to work so hard anymore and I’m tired of slinging strategies at the business and getting nowhere fast. Now, to over-simplify and make a point, they’ve given themselves very few choices here.

They’ve said:

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• ...I have to work harder to make more money.

• ...I need a new/different/unknown strategy to grow my business.

• ...I can only make X amount of money with what I am doing.

Do you see how all of those are decisions that they’ve made, probably very much based on what they’ve seen and experienced, so it feels really, really, REALLY true? We all do this, by the way. This isn’t something to find fault in or beat yourself up for. I’m not of the “radical responsibility” camp that wants to shame you for the ways you see the world — there’s so much at play there, from societal conditions to childhood conditions, and more, that it’s NOT YOUR FAULT you’ve come to these conclusions.

In fact, I’d argue that a lot of the conclusions you’ve come to are a form of self-preservation and protection, and that, frankly, is an incredible tool our brains bring to the table. Can you show some gratitude for your mind being so hell bent on protecting you? That’s love.

Now, I digress — back to choices. So MINDSET WORK is this big umbrella that includes so, so, so many tools, practices, and modalities that are all at their core there to help you create more choice in your life.

• The choice that you can make more money without burning yourself out.

• The choice that you can grow your business in a way that feels good for you.

• The choice that your worth isn’t tied to how hard you work or how much you make.

And so on.

My Favorite mindset Tools, Practices, and Modalities

Like I said, there’s a lot of options here. Which is great, because this work is NOT a one-size-fits-all solution. Inside my program The Daily Mindset Method we learn the essentials and basics of a great daily mindset practice and a more extended mindset ritual — AND then we dive into various ways you can make that YOUR OWN. This is SO important.

So maybe you’ve dabbled in meditation, followed a few tapping videos, etc. and haven’t quite found a *thing* that connects with you. Totally okay! You’re not alone. I want to encourage you to not give up on the idea of doing this work just yet, and invite you to keep exploring ways and means that feel good for you. This is a practice, a growing, evolving, changing thing. The destination of MORE CHOICE doesn’t necessarily change, but the ways we can get there… well, there’s many and I’m sure that more than a few will resonate with you.

For me, personally, I have a few favorite things I rely on AND I’m constantly dabbling and experimenting with new practices because… it’s fun for me. I like to learn and test and assess. But currently, my “mindset work” primarily consists of:

• Journaling: This is my day 1, haha. I am a big journaler and have always been. I’ve talked about it at length on this blog and on my podcast, but for me, it’s such an easy tool to see what’s really going on in my head. I journal every morning but not always with a set goal or page number in mind. Sometimes it’s as  simple as answering the questions of “what’s present” and “what do I want” and sometimes it’s much more in depth around a certain idea, belief, or fear.

• Tapping or EFT: I love tapping for feeling and releasing emotions. When I first started doing this work more seriously, I fell into a pattern of thinking I could control my thoughts and my emotions and I quickly learned that control isn’t the goal. Feeling and processing is the goal. Through tapping this practice of becoming aware of my thoughts and emotions AND letting myself properly feel them (instead of pushing it down) has become easier and easier. 

• Pleasure Practices: This isn’t as naughty as it sounds, it’s more like a meditation practice. This is a newer addition for me, but it’s essentially moving a little bit slower in parts of my day and appreciating all that is around me. An example is really focusing on my coffee in the morning, thinking about how it feels in my mouth, how the warmth feels when I swallow the coffee, and so on. It’s interesting how much more joy we can find in the mundane moments of our day when we look a little bit closer. You can try this now, pause, take a deep breath, and tell me what you feel. Like physically. For me, right now, the air is pretty cold because I turned the air conditioning down during the workout I just finished. So now I can feel the wafts of cool air hitting my forearms and if I close my eyes it almost feels like the air when you’re near the beach. It has a bit of a flow to it, it’s not constant. Now nothing GRANDIOSE happens because of this practice, it’s not like I feel the air and then BAM $10k shows up in my bank account, but it does let me slow down, be more intentional, and notice my thoughts easier.

In my experience, all of these practices give us a glimpse into our minds. They let us see and hear and notice the “choices” we’ve made and creates a pause for us to determine if that’s a choice we want to continue to make, or if we want to start unpacking what it would look, feel, sound, be like to make a different one.

It’s not always as simple as, okay, now I make the choice to make $10k a month. But if you started with… I choose to believe that it’s possible to make $10k a month working 20 hours a week… and then notice what comes up after that? Maybe a thought like, “well that’s not possible for a girl like me?” okay… what makes you believe that? And so on. This is where a coach can be helpful, to ask you those questions, but to be totally transparent you very much can do that on your own too and various mindset practices can help you to tune in and uncover those answers and comfortably start to make NEW choices from a more expanded view.

That might sound weird to claim, because I am a coach who works with people 1:1 and obviously love having clients, haha, but it’s important for me to be clear that this work is not something hidden behind a closed door or paywall. A coach can HELP, sure. Potentially even move you along quicker. But you’re fully capable, whole, worthy, deserving, allowed, etc. to do this work, too. I hope that makes sense.

When you’re ready to dive into more tools and practices to support you on your journey, click below!

What questions do you have about mindset work? Send me a DM on Instagram!

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