We all have stories we tell ourselves. We believe a lot of them to be TRUTH or FACT, when in reality they are just an idea that we’ve really given too much power.

Some common stories in our entrepreneurial world are things like:

• You have to work hard to be successful

• It’s hard to make money

• Businesses take a long time to be profitable

Those may sound like cold hard facts to you but in reality there’s no truth to them. They just become widely accepted and touted and ingrained in our minds.

Recognizing your stories may feel challenging. I find it easier to notice OTHER people’s stories and then reflect on if I have that same story. For example, if I hear my friend say, “it’s so hard to hold onto money” every time she makes it, I might reflect and ask myself if I think holding onto money is difficult. If I do find that it registers as true to me, I can start the process of rewriting that story.

A lot of our stories come from our childhood. You could spend time reflecting on things you heard your parents/adults say growing up. Common stories are, “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “the early bird gets the worm.” While those statements from family figures were never meant to limit you, or affect you in an unhelpful way, they might have found a  nice resting spot in your brain and become something that you accept as truth and therefore shapes how you make decisions and live your adult life.

This topic was very powerful for me the first time I started to learn about it. I have found that a lot of people have no idea about this concept at all — I didn’t! Once you are aware of it, you start to notice your own stories more and more. Eventually you start to overcome your stories, which in my experience has led to more happiness and success, less fear, and overall just a more positive existence.

An exercise to get started with this work is to listen to people around you more closely (family, friends, coworkers, etc.). I have found that it’s so much easier to notice other people stuck in their stories than to hear own. If you need help, pay attention specifically to words that negate, like ‘can’t’ or ‘don’t’ — that’s usually how a story presents itself. Here are some examples:

• “I can’t make any money”

• “I can’t seem to find good friends”

• “I don’t think I can do this”

• “I don’t have enough time”

If you start to really listen to how people around you speak you’ll hear stories like this all the time. Now, I don’t recommend you start telling them that “it’s just a story” and making it a big deal (unless you want to open that conversation up with someone who’s open to it!) but the goal of this exercise is more about awareness. What I have clients do is notice, then flip it onto themselves and ask: do I have this story?

Why would you want to notice your own stories? When we become more observant of our thoughts we open the door to the connection between our thoughts and our actions. If you have a story that “you can’t do sales,” you might notice that directly correlates to your action (or INACTION) on making offers, connecting with potential clients, and ASKING for the sale. If that’s a story you have, and an action (or inaction) you experience, what does that mean? My guess would be: no sales would in your business.

Equipped with the knowledge that the root of this issue starts with the story, “I can’t do sales", you can begin to make shifts in your life. You could begin to rewrite the story and decide that sales aren’t scary, for example. In time, that would rewire your actions and results.

Personally, a lot of my stories develop from a place of wanting to fit in, fear of being judged or disliked, and not wanting to draw attention to myself. Those are pretty common fears, rooted in basic survival. Historically, you needed to fit in with your community because you needed other people to survive harsh winters, scary animals, and more. Being accepted and blending in benefited you. That’s a most basic human fear. And our brain is well intentioned with having it — your brain’s main job is to keep you alive and it’ll do what it has to to do that job… even if those old stories or fears don’t serve us today.

When I began to notice those stories for myself I wanted to rewrite them. I wanted to accept that it’s okay to be unique and to share my point of view. I wanted to believe that I’d be okay even if someone didn’t like me because of it. Here is how I rewrote those stories for myself: First, I cultivated more understanding around the story by asking myself some questions when I was in a calm/open-minded state. I asked questions like, “what makes an Instagram Live so scary? What do I fear happening once I hit that big red button? What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Answers would start to pop into my head, and I generally trust the initial answer that comes up for me. In my experience that's my intuition or subconscious. In this scenario, answers like “people won’t like you or “someone will be mean” — and I take those answers, and dig in again with the questions: “what does it matter if someone doesn’t like me? What would I feel if someone was rude to me? What is the worst thing that might happen?

In time of the gentle curiosity and questioning I land on something that feels the most solid. In this scenario, that might be, “I might not appear as much of an expert as I want to be. I might say something stupid or inaccurate.”

When I land on something like that, something that’s feels more substantial I begin to flip the question in an attempt to “break the belief”. For this scenario that would look like, “What makes my X years of experience and knowledge not expert enough?”

Do you see how that is "in defense” of what I want to believe? I want to believe I am the expert. When I shape a question like this my brain struggles to disagree and recognize that the fear just isn’t based in reality. Another way to do this is to find evidence that says otherwise. Perhaps you recall times that people saw you and thought of you as an expert. Or you remember a time that you shared your knowledge and someone was positively impacted because of it. This would again help you “break the belief” because you’d be proving that even though you have these fears, they’re not actually the truth.

After I’ve done that I spend some more time with my journal. I reflect on how I will show up with this now broken belief and create a few positive affirmations to use daily afterward. I’ll revisit my new belief via affirmations until I’ve really rewired it in my subconscious and conscious mind. An affirmation here would be something like, “when I share my story I inspire others.”