What does success for you and for your business look like? Do you know?

You get to define what success looks like for you.

No guru, no expert, no thought leader, no best friends, no significant others, no moms, no dads, no one can tell you that you are only successful at XYZ arbitrary benchmark that truly doesn’t matter.

Most of us have subconsciously adopted some beliefs of what we think success means: whether it be 6 figures, or 4 hour work weeks, or living in Bali, or something else. And my ask is that you take some time to assess where those beliefs maybe came from and if those are truly what success means to you or if it’s just what you think it’s supposed to mean to you.

This work can ask you to dig in a bit — to move through blocks, stories, or ideas of what’s ‘good enough’. We live in a world where we are inundated that money and fancy clothes and traveling the world and nice cars and nice jewelry all means success. And if that does for you - COOL. But if it turns out that success means something different to you, then also cool. But you have to do the work first and figure out where you are pulling your beliefs from and if they are beliefs you want to continue to have, right?

For me success to me looks different every day. And what that truly means is that success is the freedom to choose. It’s a little meta, I know. A day that I can choose that ‘success means binging Netflix’ means not only can I be successful THAT DAY by actually binging Netflix, but that I am overall a successful person because I’ve created a life where I have that choice.

There’s no money measurement, no time measurement, no wedding ring, no house bought, no kids, no clients tied to my version of success. In my definition of success it means having the choice.  Which I get, that might seem really woo and deep, but just being honest.

What’s yours? Yours could look like you make 6 figures. Yours could look like you sleep in until 9am everyday. Yours could look like a fancy car. Or first class flights. Or time to volunteer at your kids school. It’s up to you.

So the topic that may seem disparate, but ultimately I see as relating is this idea of people shame marketing you. So just as a headsup I am very protective over people I care about, and if you’re in this group, in my circle, here, reading or listening… well congrats I’m not gonna mama bear all over you.

(Please note, this post was originally created before I became a coach) If you’ve ever listened to me or heard me teach you’ve heard me always make the disclaimer that everything is based from my experiences. I have some very distinct thoughts and ideas about how to run your business online. It’s a combination of my experiences, what I’ve read, what I’ve studied, what my mentors and coaches have instilled in me, and most importantly: what I value.

Notice how those are all things that are personal to me and my experience? Yeah. And I’m more than happy to give ideas, to share things, to even teach things, to give feedback, etc. But I always always always put the disclaimer out there that these are my thoughts and experiences and I always want my audience to hear what I have to say—take what they need from it—and put their own spin on it.

Now I know a lot of that is easier said than done, but I believe in creative problem solving and I believe that everyone has the ability to figure out their own shit in the way that best serves them. So maybe my ideas or insights will help you in that process, but it’s not my role or my job to just straight up say ‘do step 1. Do step 2. Do step 3.’ but rather, here’s my steps that I took, how do those feel or work for you? Is there anything from that that you can take and adjust for yourself?

You will never, unless it is in some kind of joking manner, hear me say you HAVE TO DO THIS THING to be successful. First of all—no the fuck you don’t. And second of all—WHAT IS SUCCESSFUL?

You might have to do this thing to be MY version of successful—but IDK what yours is. So how could I possibly give you some generic bullshit formula to get to your version of successful?! ALL I can do is inspire you and challenge you and be an ally for you to find your own version of successful.  

What I find with blanket statements like that are that they are usually paired with really negative marketing tactics that I’m gonna call shame marketing. I don’t know if shame marketing is actually a thing, I intentionally didn’t look it up, bu either way—I HATE IT. So this is how the conversation goes:

BROKE OFF YOUR ASS BC YOU CANT GET CLIENTS? IT’S BC YOU’RE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG. CLIENTS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU EGOTISTICAL IDIOT! JOIN MY PROGRAM AND I’LL TEACH YOU HOW TO REALLY GET CLIENTS SO YOU CAN BE RICH LIKE ME!

Are you serious? Heck. No.

So many issues. First of all, this is like unhealthy abusive relationships 101. They break you down and make you feel bad and then there they are to comfort you and make you reliant on them. 

It’s disgusting. It’s shameful. It’s hurtful. It’s creating MORE bad than any kind of good. It’s creating limiting beliefs and disempowered business owners. That is the opposite of what we want. I want more badass business owners out there with their unique experiences and perspectives crushing it and making impact and making money so they can make real impact and loving their lives and loving what they are doing. And this shame marketing crap isn’t going to help anyone actually get there.

I’d rather be a light. I’d rather inspire people. I’d rather empower people. And I want to give you permission right here, right now, to unfollow or unsubscribe from any account—no matter who they are, or how rich they are, or who they hang out with, or what stages they speak on… if they make you feel like you are not doing good enough, then cut them out. You are so good. You are so amazing. You are so incredible and if someone wants to make you feel otherwise, then they dont deserve to be anywhere even in your freaking stratosphere, okay?

You define your success.

You define what it means to be successful.

It is ever evolving. And it is not up to any marketing guru or thought leader or bullshit con artist.

Seriously. I could get up and walk into the kitchen right now and get water and we’d think okay cool no big deal. BUT if I had never walked before, or just gotten out of leg surgery, or whatever—you know how amazing and incredible that would be? I would feel so accomplished, so proud, so successful. It’s just about perspective. Would you tell someone who just got out of leg surgery that they WEREN’T successful because they got up and walked into the kitchen? NO! You’d be like damn look at you, you’re already walking what the heck you go glen coco.

So my point here is that it’s completely 100% up to you whether or not you want to see your days, your weeks, your months, your business as successful. And that you get to set whatever milestones you want and feel proud of whatever thing you’ve done or are doing and nobody can tell you otherwise, right?

And to build on that more, I want to point out that even if successful to you means having a huge corporation and 500 employees and you’re not even remotely close to that goal yet, that doesn’t mean you AREN’T successful. You don’t have to hold back or wait to feel good. You don’t have to deprive yourself of the good feels because you are in progress. Set milestones. Set smaller goals. Let success happen more along the way, take time to celebrate the wins, and you’ll keep having more and more wins during your journey.